Member-only story
Comfortable in My Own Skin
My love-hate relationship with my melanin as an Asian American woman
Last year, I made the decision to stop using skin care products for whitening purposes. After a couple of months, my complexion grew the tiniest bit darker, back to the natural shade I had been born with. The products I had been purchasing from the Korean beauty supply store had never altered my appearance much after all. It was a small change that was barely noticeable to anyone except me.
When I first bought these products four years ago, I felt kinda silly. I had always been darker-skinned, with a more yellowish/olive undertone, and I knew that there was no way I could become the porcelain-skinned beauty standard in East Asian culture. There was never a way for me to become as fair and as translucent as those idolized Korean celebrities or Chinese models. I understood this fact, knew it well, and yet I still decided to buy these products. Maybe it was the model on the label staring back at me or the advertising on the packaging that promised snow-white results, but at that moment, I felt there was something wrong with me for wanting to stay the way I was. It was wrong for me not to chase after that white, clean, and perfect skin everyone seemed so obsessed with. So I bought it and continued buying it for the next three years.
