The Things I Said and the Things I Wish I Said
Here’s how I will respond to the next microaggression
That obnoxious kid in fifth grade: “Is your dad Jackie Chan?”
What I said: “No.”
What I wish I said: “Yes, and he’ll kick your ass if you ever piss me off.”
That lady in the bar who touched my hair without my permission: “I just love your Asian hair!”
What I said: “Um, thanks.”
What I wish I said: “Lady, why are you touching my hair? Well, joke’s on you, because I haven’t washed it for days.”
My former co-worker: “You should bring crab rangoons to the potluck!”
What I said: “Uh, maybe.”
What I wish I said: “I’m not going to bring motherfucking crab rangoons to the potluck. If you want them, you can bring them yourself.”
A high school classmate: “Wow, you’re so good at math. It must be because you’re Asian.”
What I said: “Um, I guess.”
What I wish I said: “No, it’s because I study my freaking ass off, unlike your lazy ass.”
Another classmate: “Do you eat dog?”
What I said: “Uh, no.”
